In the introduction, how has the writer tried to show that the problem is interesting, significant, and problematic? How could the writer engage you more fully with the initial problem?

| November 20, 2015

After reading the peer reviews your peers completed for you, revise your Exploratory Essay, and submit a final draft

 

OKAY SO THE ONE WROTE BEFORE RECEIEVED BAD FEEDBACK ILL PUT

SOME EXAMPLES BELOW. IT JUST NEEDS TO BE REVISED TO BE BETTER.

 

FEEDBACK I RECIEVED SO AS YOU CAN SEE IT NEEDS TO BE WAY BETTER.

 

  1. In the introduction, how has the writer tried to show that the problem is interesting, significant, and problematic? How could the writer engage you more fully with the initial problem?

 

The writer introduced a topic that is problematic. She provided just the right amount of information about her topic that intrigued me to keep reading it. The writer can engage fully with the initial problem by stating what exactly the problem is. The writer titled displayed the topic but it was not stated in the introduction paragraph.

 

  1. How does the writer provide cues that his/her purpose is to explore a question rather than argue a thesis?

 

The writer does not provide cues that her purpose is to explore a question rather than argue a thesis. I think that the writer is providing information and facts about children who are being abused but does not bring up a question about her topic.

 

 

  1. Is the body of the essay organized chronologically so that you can see the development of the writers thinking? Where does the writer provide chronological transitions?

 

The body of the essay has no development of chronological order anywhere throughout the essay. Knowing that this is a draft, for the final draft the writer should make sure that the essay has a few chronological transitions so that the essay does not seem to be all over the place.

 

 

  1. Part of an exploratory essay involves summarizing the argument of each new research source and providing the writer’s strong response to each source as well as the new questions the writer was left with. Point out any sources that are not clearly summarized and sections that the writer does not respond strongly to and delineate the new questions they are left with.

 

Most of the writer sources were clearly summarized. The only thing that was unclear was the conclusion paragraph, it didn’t seem like it was summarizing what the essay was about, instead it added more information to the essay.

 

 

 

 

  1. Has the writer done enough research to explore the problem? What additional ideas or perspectives do you think the writer should consider?

 

I think that the writer should add more research to explore the problem. The essay seemed to be a lot about the writer instead of the actually information. I would re-read the essay to check for grammatical errors and to add in more transitional words. Overall nice job on the essay and I enjoyed your topic.

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Major English Paper ----Summary/Response

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